Hi everyone. Good afternoon. Adel’s here.
June is officially here and that means we have been living with princess Rona-19 for more less one and a half year. I personally am very grateful; despite the crazy circumstances we’re in, I am still healthy and somehow sane #lol. Oh well, to be honest, I was sick and currently still healing. Calm down, it’s not COVID. Due to stress and crazy work schedule plus the questionable amount of coffee bowls I drink on daily basis; my body decided to retaliate on me. All jokes aside, I think it’s a good wake-up call; I keep on reminding my patients to take care of their health by setting up a regular eating schedule and maintaining adequate sleep but I have almost never applied that in my own life. So, here I am, writing the first part of this blog update from the comfort of a hospital bed. But now, I am already feeling much better. I have been doing my shifts again since last Monday. The body did feel a bit weird as if it had to adapt once again but life has to go on. Oh, also... remember the chronic stomach cramps that started since late 2019? I finally did a CT scan and praise Lord Jesus Christ; it came back normal. So, at least my overthinking mind can rest and relax for a bit. The professor actually suggested endoscopy but . . . I am not ready to see the inside of my gastrointestinal tract just yet so it will be postponed until further notice. The post-IV line bruises tho, my God. I went to the mall to grab some food for both mom and I the other day and people was staring intensely. I even made a child cried when she came to the ER. At first, I was confused but then later on I found out why and had to resist laughing my ass out. Don’t you just miss being kids at times? So innocent and carefree. Moving forward, I will still keep on taking vitamin C and do all the required health protocol -washing my hands, wearing masks and social distancing- Please be vaccinated if you are eligible for it. Do your part in ending the vicious transmission cycle. A small act for a better good or as Grindelward liked to say “For the greater good”
Career wise, nothing much happened. Still the old regimen of doing shifts; be it morning, afternoon or night shift. I try to update myself on the newest information regarding COVID-19 and its vaccination, review materials and most importantly, keep on being curious. It is easy to get carried away with things; especially if you’re having good days but I am a firm believer that one should stay grounded and keep on enriching oneself with new reliable and scientifically proven information. The more you know, the better help you can offer. At the same time, I have also started to think about “the next move”. After completing all the required steps to become a “legal” general practitioner at Indo, 25 years old Adel will finally be able to freely decide on the path she wishes to embark herself. Specialization is always the expected answer but somehow, there’s always this part of me that craves for something else. What is that something else you might ask? Honestly, I am not sure myself. However, making a list of multiple possible scenarios seem to be a good start. Planning the future also seems to be a bit more complicated now since it’s not simply about what makes “me” happy anymore. Confused? Well, stick around. You will probably get why by the end of this post.
Moving on to mental health. This has always been one of the biggest struggles I face in life. When it comes to body image; it’s a constant battle. There are some days when I feel empowered and “on top of the world” but there are also those days when I avoid mirrors and need a bit more push to keep on nurturing the body I have been blessed with. Growing up with constant comments of having to lose weight in order to feel pretty and people pin pointing at whatever I did as “unhealthy” or “wrong” really took a toll on me. I even went through an extreme diet phase; I only ate one full meal and the rest was substituted with fruit-flavored shake. This went on for approximately three years. Of course, the weight dropped by a lot at first, but the long-term consequences was devastating, So, trust me, finding the right balance between healthy eating and adequate exercise time is the way to go. The result might not be as fast as you want it to be but it’s definitely the healthier option. Plus, to be healthy doesn’t always mean fitting in to size 0,2 and/or 4. Healthy is so much more than that. Being happy, content and not tormented by what you eat the whole day is also healthy. I am very glad to see a lot of body-positive campaigns nowadays. Don’t want people to experience growing up with such pressure of fitting in to certain sizes in order to be called pretty or acknowledged as healthy human being. It sucks and people should really try to find other ways to show they care.
Last but not least, your favorite segment, relationship. What’s new you might ask? Well, a lot has happened. Remember, I told you I was sick? Yea, the whole thing was very dramatic and I did play a big part of it #guilty. I should have known the usual meds had failed when the pain persisted despite 3 grams of Paracetamol and 150 mg of Tramadol. But, my crazy mind or just pure “ego” somehow managed to convince me that I was okay and I could do my night shift. In my defense, I was feeling a lot better in the morning. I even had a movie date before experiencing one of the worst stomach cramps ever. According to the only witness I had, I turned white then blue. I was lowkey crying behind Kazu, thinking Kazu would be big enough to hide my face but . . . it was another failed desperate attempt. So, I did the only thing I could think of. It wouldn’t be wise to drive myself to the hospital (re: pain, massive headache, fatigue and super nauseous) so I called on Gabrielle. To sum it up, I made the whole staff (that was on shift) panic. Gabrielle came to pick me up with the nurse that used to work alongside with me. As a result, got myself scolded by everyone that care for me and was hospitalized for almost a week. Lowkey knew I should be resting more but I semi-pleaded the Professor to discharge me once the antibiotic regimen was finished. During the first couple days, it was my fellow internship mates that kept me company and made sure all my needs were fulfilled. Gabrielle supplied me with endless Aqua; Nia bought me shampoo, toothbrush, tooth paste and soap. The rest checked up on me from time to time, distracting me from the constant pain that usually got worse during the night time. Mom’s arrival was the perfect remedy, not gonna lie. I miss her to the bone. Anyhow, I am so thankful to have such supportive friends and team mates. It could have been way worse if I was not surrounded and blessed with good company. Lesson learnt folks. Better to admit yourself to hospital early rather than when you were too sick to even move your body around.
Another happy update I can hint is . . . . #drumroll I am no longer a member of the greyish club. Officially ended my VIP membership months ago. Currently dwelling in another uncharted territory called relationship. Am I scared? Nope. Just pure terrified. But my kind partner has been very understanding of the whole situation and is helping me navigate through things. I thought I was going to be super bad at it -not gonna lie- however, things have been going quite smoothly and okay. I don’t know about him but I feel free to express what I feel every time we talk. In contrary to what my close friends have been telling me, I don’t have this “pressure” of hiding my thoughts. He gives out this “vibe” that makes it comfortable enough for me to share my perspectives. We don’t always see eye to eye on things but I feel that’s where we can grow together. Real growth happens when we are faced with stuffs we don’t really go along with.
The other fear I had was losing myself in the process. I was scared I would lose balance in life, that I would be too emerged in nurturing this one new relationship that I would neglect other parts that had been going on. However, I was proven wrong once again. I am still able to talk to my friends, catch up with my mom and sis, hang out with my co-workers and enjoy some good quality me time. As far as it goes, this insecurity turns out to be my mind playing tricks on me, as usual. Another part I love about us is that I can say the cheesiest thing on earth out of sudden and he will react just fine. He teases me about it sometimes but . . I am not “embarrassed” to a point I don’t want to do it anymore. I simply see it as . . . his thing. One more thing to point out is; if you know me personally, you know I can’t be in a close intimate kin with someone who can’t have heavy and difficult conversations. Thankfully, he has been very open and honest about his thoughts regarding some sensitive matters and that somehow gave me a good reassurance; that I am building something real with someone who has similar view and take in life.
There are tons of other things that I am grateful for but I can sincerely say I am very happy to finally be committed with someone who truly wants to grow and constantly work on our relationship together. To have someone put the same amount of effort, time and love to nurture this one new fragile bond. This is my first time being someone’s girlfriend. I made mistakes from time to time and will probably keep on doing it in the future, but I do hope he feels the genuine care, love and interest I have for him. I wish he will continue on giving me the space and time to figure things out and adapt to this new dynamic so that eventually, we will be each other safe haven. Anyways, if you’re reading this, I just want to say, thank you for loving me as I am. It has been amazing and I can’t wait to see you soon.
Love, always and forever,
Genoveva Verena Adella 🥀
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