So Close yet So Far

Nobody told me how to grieve and yet be happy at the same time.

No manual to differentiate need from want

No base to decide whether it is lust or love

No way to deal with the logic and heart – both determined to be at war

Are we better apart or is it best to find balance in between?

Whatever’s left in this kin we have yet to put a label on

Both of us very keen on leaving things unattended,

Only to have it exposed, naked through a glass of friendly gin

Maybe it’s time to address the undeniable truth we’ve both known all along:

We don’t know how to be friends – and yet, we foolishly gave our best shot

A glance, a smile, a conversation- and all that was buried came rushing out into the open

Years passed, tears shed, hearts broken and feelings went rogue

– lost in translation between loathing and love

It is messy; loneliness forever a cruel tease

But nothing beats the scar that already deeply carved  

You don’t know how to let go; afraid of one day being not enough

I am lost trying to grip reality; trying to fit the mold you’ve made

All those efforts wasted on soul-searching

All those times drowned in the booze-born courage

Only to come up with sides of stories

None of our friends care to hear

I hurt you, you hurt me and all it did was swell

Yet every time, it is always me who dwells

In the sorrow of the limbo, you so easily forget

Through the peace of a short night’s sleep

But it is also the same you

That came back rushing when you realized

I play in the greyish zone no more

That I have managed to build a home

In the midst of angst trying to let you go

My flavor of the month turns into a rose

So, you bought a Rose to remain my one

Conversations like a collection of 2023 sepias

Face to face with drinks in our hands

Fighting the urge to say “why the hell did we end up here?”

Knowing that there’s nothing new

To disclose, nor to discuss

Because it’s all been written too damn well

In the chances we both failed to succeed in

All is done,

Damage remains,

Lesson learned,

And yet, we are still pacing the same track

Standing so close, yet so far – two lines with ends unscathed

Cheers to those who have loved and dared to remain in love

• Genoveva Verena Adella 🥀