When Regal meets (Skim) Milk

Hi everyone. Good evening. Adel’s here.

Welcome. It’s that time for your monthly lengthy post. Usually, I will talk about the new fun interesting stuffs that had happened in my life but since we’re still living in pandemic days and all I do is work, I have nothing much to update. After approximately two months, I felt like I have finally adapted to the new working environment. Although I still need to work on the language, I can communicate better with patients, nurses and hospital staffs now. I also gained a better understanding on the locals’ mindset regarding health-related topics, on how complicated things could be if one of the family members should be admitted to the isolation room due their COVID-like symptoms, on how frustrating it could be when the family couldn’t afford to pay for the medical bills and ended up going back home with more worries compared to when they first stepped in to the ER. Moreover, I learnt the art of being patient and discovered how empathy played a big part in helping someone to feel better. Overall, although I was in a very bad place when I first moved here, I could sense a slight change that’s heading towards a positive direction. Always good to feel such positive emotion. I managed to have some new friends; most of them are nurses, fellow doctors and some hospital staffs. I had amazing hard working team mates. There were only five of us interning at this time so it can be hard but we’re holding on and keeping each other sane. The long hour shift could sometimes be a bit agonizing but . . we help each other find humor in those trying moments. I am grateful to have them during this phase of life. Although, I do miss my squad back home. I miss having the comfort of going to Cici’s place whenever I need to vent about life or just simply catch up. I miss bickering with Chuyung, Mon” and Teteh. I miss going out to brunch or early dinner with Sia”. I miss hanging out at the juice shop with my Dear. I long for an undisturbed tea time with Sari and Cepi. I miss listening to Sidney’s stories and am counting the days to finally be able to try her famous Chiffon Cake. I miss annoying my sister whenever she gets home from work. I can’t even begin to describe how I miss going to Grand Lucky on the weekends. Can’t wait to the day when I can enjoy Sushi Tei’s salad or Salad’s Stop Chicken Caesar Salad or the vegetarian curry Super Grain offers. Oh well, I guess Jakarta has grown on me on some things and I can finally admit that without feeling “guilty” about it. I work 6 days a week; so that doesn’t leave me much time to sit back and overthink stuffs which is a good thing. However, it is a bit tricky to incorporate daily regular exercise regime to it. But I’m working on that. What else is worth mentioning here . . . . Oh, I start reading Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. How did I end up choosing this book? Well, most of it was because I’m curious. I took the test multiple times and I got similar results from time to time. So, I decided to read up on it and hopefully learn new things. Love isn’t only about your life partners, but also your family and friends. It’s nice to know a bit more on how you can show them love in the way the appreciate it the most. It’s been good so far. I almost read half of it and I will let you know my final thoughts once I’m done. It’s a light read during night shifts when I have to stay awake for hours. Hehehe. Well, I guess that’s all I could think of now.

So, what’s with the title you might think? Why randomly put Regal and Skim Milk in one sentence? #hehehe

Well, I am finally going to share a bit more about my dating app experience. And I chose Regal and Skim Milk because for me it’s like another perfect combination such as Coffee and Bagel which is the name of the dating app I used to play -Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB)- I am trying to be funny here, obviously. Why now? Because a lot of people in my circle asked me about it, like what made me wanna do it at the first place? How does it feel like to be on the app? Has it been successful? Is it nerve-wrecking or scary to be that vulnerable online? How did your parents react to your decision and et cetera. My close friends probably know the answer, or at least the general idea but for you, it might be an interesting post to read so let’s get to it.

I first downloaded the app back in 2018, when I broke my leg on my birthday. I refused to take painkillers and just slept through the pain so for 2-3 weeks my sleeping schedule was a big mess. I woke up at midnight with swollen leg and empty stomach. I would order McDonald or Ropang or . . . basically anything that’s available during midnight -it’s bad. Don’t do what I do. Take painkillers and live your days peacefully- Because of that, I got lonely. I didn’t want to wake my friends in the middle of the night because we still had to go to the hospital every day to do our clinical rotation. So, I went to the app store and typed chatting messenger on the search column. I remembered downloading 10 apps that dawn and one of them happened to be CMB. When I realized it was a dating app, I was skeptical AF. O God, if you ever meet me in person, you would know how skeptical I was when it comes to romance. The first instinct was to erase it but then on that day I just went with it. I remembered thinking “If I felt uncomfortable, I could just delete my account afterwards. No shame” And that’s exactly what I did after a week playing it. My leg got better so I no longer had that pain I needed to distract myself from so I could get back to my old routine. It stayed that way until mid 2019, I think. I’m not really sure about the month but I got back on the app around the time when I was leaving for Pontianak to do my paediatric clinical rotation. Again, loneliness became a great motivator for crazy act in my case. I craved for interactions with people that were not from my med circle. I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship at that point but I did want to talk and flirt around … so I got back to it. I did meet some gentlemen on the app but yea.. nothing worked out and I guessed half of it was because I wasn’t really looking for one steady relationship. Then I stopped playing until the pandemic hit. Quarantine . . . quarantine was hard. The whole situation got me feeling so isolated to a point it was so agonizing. On top of that, I was so stressed out from preparing for my board exam so … I went back, not for long though because I then was kind of in greyish kin with the Bali guy -if you’ve been reading my blog for quite some time, you know how the whole story goes- Then I started playing the app again on late December 2020 till March 2021. That’s the background on how I dwelled into this online dating world I suppose.

My parents kinda knew I was actively on the app in 2019. I told my mom, then my sis. I didn’t think I told my dad, he just somehow put the pieces together with mom’s help. I don’t know. They reacted quite okay in my opinion. Obviously, it’s a new thing for my parents. They had their doubts and some expected negative views about the whole thing. However, they were quite open to the idea, as long as I knew and set limits. My sis surprisingly was more skeptical despite being the one who studied abroad but she’s also accepting. She reminded me to not be so trusting to people I met on the app, which again was a good point. I do have the tendency to be impulsive about things so having them around was definitely helpful. Other than my family, only my close friends knew about this. They were supportive. No negative judgment whatsoever so that’s a big relief. They believed that I knew what’s best for me. My logic would prevent me from making questionable decisions and I respected them for it.

Has it been successful? Well, this question is tricky because . . . It depends on why you’re on the app. Like before December 2020, I was on the app simply to look for someone to talk to about life. I know it’s cliché but that was my intention. I did end up talking quite intense with two to three guys but . . it didn’t lead to anything serious because again I wasn’t looking for it. I was just there to have fun, to shoo my loneliness away in hopes of making new connections and friends outside med school. So in a way, it worked for me. Moving on to the next question, was it scary to be on the app? At first, yea. I feared the judgment that came from people If they knew I was on the app. Our society still viewed dating app as . . . thirst traps (?) Like if you’re on the app, you’re a desperate soul which in a way could be true but at the same time very mean. I didn’t feel that way for a long time though. I had made up my mind that people could say whatever they wanted to say. If they’re skeptical, they’re unlikely on the app so . . . I wouldn’t be meeting people from that group. But then the insecurity moved to whether people I met were being as honest as I was. It was a dating app. Most people would represent themselves in the best way possible -me imcluded- Sometimes it led to a few white lies or word play. But again, I could claim I was quite lucky. I got connected only with men who were quite truthful and not creepy so that’s nice. And after being a part of it for quite some time, I found “balance” and went along with it without much worry. Hehehe #peace

Overall, dating app is not as “bad” as you might think. I don’t know about Tinder or Bumble or other famous dating apps but it was quite “safe” at CMB. The whole concept was good and the developer made it comfortable for users to be in it. I do think that it’s best to set your goals before joining in this “community” because you can be confused and swayed away if you don’t. It is also better if you know your boundaries and your “red flags” so you could stay away from the group of people you don’t want yourself to be associated with. If you keep an open mind, you might really find someone who wants to explore things exclusively. What I’m trying to say is . . this can be a fun way to meet new people regardless of your intentions.

And that’s all I can share for now. I hope it answers some of your curiosity and if you’re considering to start playing, I hope this post can be helpful in any way ✌🏻

Stay safe, be healthy, wear your mask, keep on washing your hands, do social distancing and be vaccinated once you can! 💕

Love, always and forever,

Genoveva Verena Adella 🥀