- Starting it Right -

Hi everyone. Good afternoon. Adel’s here.

I am back today to share some updates of my life.

First, Mom and I finally had decided to buy a new Mac Book since I kinda need it (desperately) for work plus sis need her laptop back for work and personal purposes. Services at Singapore was way way way better than Indonesia (sorry to say, but if you ever been to Apple Service at Indonesia, you know how rude they can be). I got to ask questions and they really showed effort to help me retrieve my (very important) data. They successfully took out the SSD and claimed it to be in a very good condition. Fingers crossed I can get my data back (Please!). So now, I am still adapting to my new laptop and making sure it stays clean and DRY, far away from water. Also, backing my data per week to drive. At least the important ones. Lessons learnt!

Second, I realized that my previous post (Farewell DBC Concert) stirred up some conversations again. When I was attending a charity gala last week, the topic popped up in a short but meaningful talk. Let’s say I saw light and hope. The charity gala on the other hand was amazing. Great performances from all the performers. Hopefully, it will be another loving tradition at Atma Jaya and people will be more willing to give support, attention and enthusiasm to it.

Third, I finally know how complicated a relationship can be. I got to know this guy from a dating app. I came across the app while I was bored last year. I broke my leg and refused to take painkillers. My solution to that was sleep which then led to a very confusing sleeping schedule. I could wake up at midnight. Sometimes, around 2 – 3 AM. After feeling so bored and bad for being such burden to one of my friends (Love you Ci! <3) I decided to fill my “me-time” alone. Started to download bunch of chatting apps without looking at the description. After trying it for around 2 months, I uninstalled it since my leg got better and my friends were back at Jakarta. Then around 4-5 months ago, that loneliness came by again so I installed the app back to my phone and that’s how I met him. Hehehe. Long story short, we talked and met for quite some time before putting some sort of clarity to this relationship. I remembered feeling so thrilled knowing somebody actually liked me that way and actually was brave enough to try. However, I couldn’t lie there’s something that didn’t seem to click when I said “YES”. The next morning, I woke up feeling confused. I was pretty sure it’s a combination of happy, confused, scared and …. mostly stunned. I didn’t tell my parents and close friends about us from the beginning since I didn’t see this leading somewhere serious. So you could imagine the responses I got from them when I broke the news. Only one was happy, while the other was very concerned.

It was very tensed, for me, for him, for my parents and friends. Everybody seemed to have their own opinion and that’s sort of fine for me although there were two points that I couldn't seem to shake off. After a long filled with stress week and a little getaway to Bali (holiday at last!) I decided to end it.

Starting off with that feeling and situation didn’t seem fitting and I didn’t want to be tortured by my own doubts and insecurities regarding the problem. Moreover, it’s not fair for either of us. Till this very point, I am still recovering. One thing for sure, I learnt that loneliness could cause people to be reckless and how you start a "connection" with anyone for any kind of reason should not be based on uncertainty.

Going slow is wiser in this case.

That's all. Have a nice weekend and I’ll see you soon!

- The departing one is not always in glory -