Recaps of 2020

Hi everyone. Good afternoon. Adel’s here.

Disclaimer: This will be another lengthy post so grab your hot choco and/or box of cookies and let’s start this monthly update. I will try to keep it “short” because I know how terrifying a long post can be. #peace

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Woohoo. We survive a year of doing nothing other than slouching at the comfort of our own house, eating our feelings out and basically trying to find a “new normal” to adhere to. Fear not, I am the same as you are. Other than prepping for my board exam last March till August, I did nothing other than gaining weight and holding on to my last piece of sanity. He he he. However, since the vaccine is already here, I have high hopes that 2021 will be A LOT BETTER compared to 2020. Amen.

It’s only a month since I last wrote and it already felt so foreign. Typing out a story that usually came naturally became a bit harder. The words didn’t flow as smoothly as I thought it would be, but I guess that’s expected right? So, before I dwell into my stress spiral more, let’s start with work update. I’ve finished my internship at RSCM. It’s super fun. Got to know and learnt a lot from that short job, especially in sharpening my soft skills; specifically, in team work, discipline, tolerance and interpersonal relationship. Gained a broader perspective on how public health facility works and I have to say it’s quite an eye-opening experience. After that, I volunteered as staff at Atma Jaya. My recent project was to write a module for the clinic students. The biggest concern I have is that they’re confused to what I’m writing since it’s in Bahasa Indonesia instead of English. If you have been friends with me for quite some time, you would know how “great” my Bahasa is. So, fingers crossed my summary is clear enough and not confusing. The last thing I want is for them to be lost in translation during one of the most interesting cycle ever! In between those two projects, I also wrote an article with my very inspiring and patient academic advisor, Bu Beth. From this I learnt two things. One, I tend to write in passive form and two, I discovered a trick to shorten the length of my result section by really pointing out only the important stuff instead of trying to cover it all up. However, sad to say, our paper got rejected and now we’re looking for other international and/or national publications that fits our topic. Hopefully one of them will find our paper proper and I get to have my first scientific publication! Other than that, I have joined in a social community that focuses on dementia called Breaking Silence Project. Well, to be honest, this is Dear’s “first baby” so when he asked me for some suggestions and offered me a position, I was very thrilled. I actually can’t share much at this point but I am positive that I can bring some improvements to the already great movement. Can’t wait to start! As for my next poem collections, you might need to wait a bit longer. Let’s just say someone close to me shared a way to do e-book. There are tons of considerations to think of, mainly because I still want the book to be accessible to everyone and publishing it as an e-book might change a thing or two. Either way, when I make my decisions you all will probably know first as I always share it on my monthly blog. Last but not least, I have the exact date on my internship. Regardless of the location, my internship will start on 8th February 2021. The selection process will happen on 22nd January 2021, just eight days before my lovely sis celebrates her birthday! However, instead of stressing out, I choose to put my energy on being grateful that I still have the chance to spend some meaningful quality time with her before separating for a year (re: at least a year. We’ll see. Hehehe)

Moving on to health category. I haven’t weighted myself after the previous update. So, if you’re new, the last time I measure myself was late November and I was 66,5 kg. Since then, I managed to set a regular work out schedule and got back to gym with my favorite personal trainer (PT) Kak Wi! Although I haven’t been able to do it every day, I felt really good about myself. Before going back home, my mental state was in a really bad place; I shifted my focus to just being slim instead of being fit. The biggest value of a successful healthy lifestyle was seen from how much weight I lost. I could one day wake up hating every part of my own body, refused to see the mirror and flirted with the idea of binge eating again. But thankfully, I have my mom and sister that reminded me on the importance of consistency. And again, although I don’t know how “heavy” I am now, I am glad to say that I feel stronger, fitter and healthier in a way. Eating doesn’t really torture my mind as much as it did one-two months ago. In 2021, I really hope I can find a better solution to stay motivated and fit. One of it might be by finding the perfect exercise regimen. Recently, I tried (re: giving it another shot) Lily Sabri’s playlist and I have to say I am interested and intrigued to do more. So, fingers crossed and I’ll let you know how it goes 

Next, relationship section. After observing for the whole year, I realized most of my “romantic” genre posts attracted a lot of readers. I guess relationship, be it friendship, family or love flings are always fun to read huh? Hahaha. But on a serious note, thank you for taking the time to read the blog. Regardless of the motives behind it, it’s very humbling to know that you find my post worthy of your time. So here are the updates on that category!

First up, friendship. Distance is always a struggle to overcome. I am very grateful for the friends I have now, especially my five amazing women. However, since our uni days were over, separation is upon us. Each of us has different agendas and priorities to fulfill so farewell does come naturally. The fear of missing out, to being once again excluded is very horrifying but growth comes in different ways and it is time for us to pursue our dreams individually. May the outcome of this farewell will not end in sorrow and regretful tears, but more of us learning how to appreciate each other presence in each of our own lives, understanding that the warmth of having such life companionships is not lost by distance. Then, family. I am one of those people who are lucky enough to have the time to slow down and enjoy life in a more relaxing pace. Got back and stayed for quite some time during the couple first months of quarantine. The latest heartbreak led me to having a better relationship with dad, knowing that he fully understood and was able to relate to the pain I felt during that period of time. Mom and sister got into their protective mode again for quite some time but now we’re all good. I am good, getting better and stronger each day. We also went to spend some quality time and celebrate new year break at one of the top resorts at Batam. That was fun. Then, the part you all have been waiting for, romance  Well, I’m healing, still but I’m in a way steadier and clearer mindset now. I can truly say this is different from the previous ones (re: taking years to finally stop romanticizing myself with the possibility of what ifs) He and I managed to end things civilly and although the process hurt like hell, I am thankful for all of it. Who would have thought I didn’t need to write another book specifically dedicated to him to get over my own thoughts and expectations of us being together? Hahahaha. But on a serious note, I am very content of where I am now emotionally. Inspired by what Sabrina said in the latest chapter of her adventure -go watch and stream Sabrina part 4 on Netflix!! #Nabrina, always and forever- As much as it hurts to feel alone, I need to shift the focus on feeling whole about myself instead of avoiding loneliness by filling it with relationships. And in case you’re curious, I am not with anyone but myself now

And here’s the short wrap up about my 2020:

January – Finally completed regular clinical rotation, celebrated Cici’s birthday while trying to maintain my strict diet regimen. Went on a short trip with the girls; travelled to Bogor, visited sis at the zoo -okay, I mean pandas not literally meeting sis at the zoo. That will be weird- moving on from a toxic happy-ending expectations with a guy who clearly never had the same intention on his mind, became a mentor, had an amazing reunion dinner with closed family members during Chinese New Year - thankfully it’s pre-COVID 19 so we could still eat normally- had an anesthesiology remedial and acing it :’D. Finally celebrated sis’ birthday at an amazing Italian fusion restaurant at Menteng. Ended January by flying back home for some couple days with mom

February – Back at home and went straight to baking. Received a surprise bouquet from a friend and fan of my poems. Had a Valentine dinner with an unexpected company that later on turned to a business meeting instead of a fun meet-up and catch-up session. Discovered and enjoyed SushiTei’s healthy meal options. Covered two songs with Edo and Dear. Went to Ash Wednesday mass alone. Started doing short covers on my Instagram. Reconnected with someone from the past.

March – Started my internship at Atma Jaya Semanggi. Asked my fellow colleague to do my make up to celebrate the first anniversary of Half-Hearted Gypsy. Ate Momo Paradise with my two wonderful ladies Monica Angelina and Lidya Tanjaya. Flew back home due to being “shooed” away from my dorm. Spent mom’s birthday at home. Wrote three short articles for my work. Figured out I wouldn’t be taking the boards on May, but August due to the pandemic.

April – Took a break from all exam prep and enjoyed staying at home. Started a regular work out schedule. Endlessly figuring out how to fix my sleeping schedule. Released sneak peeks of the second Half Hearted Gypsy. My baby officially became a doctor -dr. Anastasia Fodianto- Got an early gift from sis, ice cream maker. Made fruit pie. Joined in a TikTok challenge with Cici, Nadia and Ediva. Soon figured out I was not made for TikTok. Decided to give the man a decent shot.

May – Started prepping for board intensively again. Hopped back to paintings after the longest break ever. Got sad over a news that led me to having a three-hour phone call with him. Had a virtual photoshoot with Cici. Experienced my first Zoom Wedding -congratulations to Moomoo and Stefanus once again!- Made a delicious chocolate brownie for myself. Received info about online publishing app and follow up on the board exam.

June – Sent my very first video message on DM. Remembered feeling very anxious afterwards :”) Finally tried Sandra Patisserie’s sliced chocolate cake. Fell in love with it. Completed the painting. Struggled with body image, exam prep and dealing with my own feelings. Missed doing covers with Ukulele. Learnt Minimalism through Joshua Becker’s book entitle The More of Less. Released my second book – Half Hearted Gypsy : Epiphany of Agony-

July – Got back to Jakarta for OSCE -that turned out to be a troll. Jesus Christ- Went to see sister. Had the first and second TrustWear’s editorial photoshoot. Decided to try a healthy catering service and finally claimed it as “THE ONE” right fit for me. Planned a Bali trip. Ate a low calorie ice cream -Friday Creamery- and once again, claiming it as “THE ONE” ice cream for this grandma body of mine :”) Continued cramping. Dealt with stress of two exams and uncertainty from either part of my life. Got tested for COVID-19.

August – Had a horrifying OSCE exam and went back home feeling so hopeless. Ran for comfort to Netflix. Almost spent the night on a phone call with “him” but failed do to his sudden job. Got cheered up by my two amazing ladies whom I missed so much -Teteh and Mon”- Finally took the board exam. Felt better after completing it. Got a haircut and bought myself Kiwi Cheese drink from Ban”. Also spent some money buying Hush Puppies flats and bag. Had a simple farewell with my girls – Cindy Clarista Saputan and Shirleena Andriani Setiawan – Another photoshoot session, finally wearing my doctor’s coat and scrubs. Did another fun photoshoot for TrustWear. Received a great result about my OSCE. Moved in to sis’ apartment. Confronted, fought and finally got my heart broken on the very last day of August, only five days after celebrating his birthday together and eight days before leaving to Bali to actually meet him.

September – Cried for the first three days. Crawled back to the dark pit of self-hating, negativity spiral, sadness and … basically became a Grinch. Tried to shoo it all away by joining in an online “required” seminar to gain one certificate. Failed. Saw the board exam result and was super elated to know I finally am a doctor!!!! Visited Sia’s house. Bade good bye to her since she’s leaving for her internship. Went out on a date with Caroline Ciptasari and Dear. Went to IKEA for the very first time. Enjoyed the food and went on window shopping with sis. Helped Ko Steve bought an anniversary bouquet for sis -thank God she was pleased about it. Fiiuhh…- Remembered feeling better and were able to think clearer after two weeks of getting my heart broken. Embracing the pain and longing instead of denying it. Felt so grateful, happy, humbled and content with the amount of love and care my family, close friends and colleagues showed me during my birthday. Did “birthday tradition” with Dear at the apartment lobby. Be a committee for an eventful Oath Ceremony. Ended September with beautiful colors.

October – Finally covered the highly requested song – La La Lost You by Niki – Showered with graduation gift from people around me. Finally took Hippocratic Oath. Went to GIOI for lunch. Got five gigantic bouquets that drew smiles on my face. Asked favor from Cius to take pictures of “BareBears” squad. Joined in a cooking class trial and baked Basque Cheesecake. Tried shooting and surprised by the results. I was not a bad shooter. Super worried and confused about the uncertainty of November internship. Found out it was an impossible and went to Tasik for a short getaway with BareBears squad. Meet Minnie, Cici’s poodle for the first time. Created a drama by getting myself locked in the bathroom on the first night I arrived there. Hiked and decided to do strict diet phase 2 on November. Got an internship at RSCM in Obstetrician and Gynecology department. Finally signed up for EMBRYO seminar after going back and forth -did not regret it at all- Sam Smith finally released his album and we connected on a personal level :’)

November – Started induction phase for the second time. Decided to rent a car to feel safer. Meet my dearest “little brother” at Jakarta -took him to try Wing Heng and Noodle House – Spent some quality time to catch up with him. Finished all the requirement for internship. Received a video of my cute niece. Went back to gym and started reading again. Took up a job at Atma Jaya -volunteer staff- Published Atma Up (finally) and wrote article with Bu Beth. Made peace with the fact that my Bali trip was not happening and moved on with things.

December – You made it till the end guys. A bit more and you can close this tab. Other than the updates I wrote in the beginning, there were a bit more. Built new friendship with people outside Atma Jaya. Another Trust Wear photoshoot – this time more professional. It took 6 hours guys. SIX FREAKING HOURS!- Tried Mala and loving it till now. Realized my spice level had gone up, way more than before I started dieting. Met my older brother and went to Kumulo. Loved the design and found a very delicious Kombucha stall. Went back home again to spend Christmas and New Year with mom and dad. Binge-watched “The Chilling Adventure of Sabrina” on the very last day of 2020. No regrets! #covenforever #Nabrina forever and ever and ever and ever … okay. I will stop. But seriously, Gavin Leatherwood you one interesting human being #wink Learnt how to say no and be fine with people not liking my decisions.

Well well well, ain’t that an interesting throwback? For those who have managed to read until now, I want to say thank you. Hopefully, despite the pandemic, you still managed to welcome the new year with glee and created magical moments with your loved ones.

So with a more positive mindset, let’s say bye-bye to 2020 and send the brightest smile to start 2021. I will still be writing. Until then, stay safe and keep your distance!

Love, always and forever,

Genoveva Verena Adella 🥀