Never // Never ?

Hi everybody. Good evening. Adel’s here.

So today I am back with life updates.

It’s been a very hectic and challenging period of time, however with Thy’s grace, I am back to functioning properly.

So here we go . . .

First, getting sick (re : painful stomach cramps and endless diarrhoea sessions for ALMOST 4 weeks) during clinical rotation especially Anaesthesiology was one of the worst thing that could ever happened. Everybody had already warned me about the food and drinks, well… mostly food. Each of my squad had shared similar gastroenteritis episodes there but bloody hell, my competitive side would not want to lose and that caused me to almost dropping out from my cycle, on my very last week. But by Thy’s grace, mercy and also a bit of determination supported by the -powerful- Antibiotics and painkiller (re:Paracetamol), I survived. Got to be honest, exit exams were horrifying. May Lord helped us all. Hopefully, we wouldn’t have to repeat and got to share our Sukabumi stories with each other as inside jokes.

Although it was a very traumatising experience, I got a chance to meet new people and broaden my friendship line. Moreover, I got to feel the love from my supportive team mates. When they were around, the pain subsided a bit due to the amount of laugh and joy they brought in. So thank you Fany, Sidney, David, James and Ko Ricki! God bless us all.

Second, I am now at Semarang. After a morning filled with dread, tremors and fear, I flew to another city in the evening to continue my next clinical rotation. New city, new story. Arriving at this foreign place was exciting but also scary at the same time. We arrived quite late and didn’t get the best taxi driver at the airport. Thankfully, we didn’t have to pay an overly-charged fee. I’d be staying for two weeks (re:fingers crossed. Taiwan is waiting 🤞). But if you think two weeks mean chill life, you’re wrong. Assignments were thrown like candies to us. In such short amount of time, we are required to study, write reports and exercise. Exactly, truly a different experience from Atma Jaya. Talking about adapting to new situations. But, the food is great. A bit too sweet but still tastier compared to Sukabumi.

Lastly, I had come to a decision. I have been running, finding ways to heal and move on from this one particular man for so many years (Hence you all have my first self published book to read 😊) I thought I got it, I thought I was finally ready for a new chapter in my life. Then reality hit me hard.

Our interaction started with a photo from his Europe trip. It opened up a chance to talk and the rest was history. A simple non-sense holiday conversation made me realised I never got over him. There’s still this lingering feeling waiting to come out. It only got blurred for some time because we didn’t talk that much, sort of ignoring one and another due to some circumstances.  

Now, we are talking here and there, trying to match our schedule to meet. I don’t want to speak for him but as from my side, it got so frustrating when our schedule didn’t meet. Still, even in this situation I have something to be grateful for. I felt he always managed to bring some positive effects on me. He brighten up the day and even though we didn’t talk all day long, it was nice to have a place to share knowing I’ll get an honest and supportive respond, at least for now. For example, when I randomly sent him picture of my Bare-bear birthday card from sis, he replied and tried to give reactions to my silly unimportant chat. That gesture was meaningful and I appreciated it a lot. 

So, as for my decision, I want to pursue this. I want to wear my old-scarred-bleeding heart on my sleeves for the sake of ending this endless "what-ifs" scenarios.

Even if I get hurt again, which is a very big possibility, who knows it will resulted in a proper closure and finally a brand new beginning.

Moreover, if fate allows, may it gives us a chance to be reconnected in different ways and situations.  

We’ll see. That's for God to decide :) 

And I guess, that's everything for now folks.  

See you soon!

Have a great week!

God bless!