Hi everyone. Good afternoon. Adel’s here.
I know it’s only been around a week since my last post but a lot had happened within ten days and I think of sharing a lil’ bit of my life update here -thank you for giving the time to read! - So, let’s start with my new work at RSUPN Cipto Mangunkusumo or RSCM. It’s been approximately a week since I started. The hospital is way bigger than Atma Jaya. The first day I arrived, I was lowkey scared ‘cause it was extremely crowded. People walking here and there, busy doing their job while I tried to navigate my way to the office I supposed to report to. As always, I am very grateful for the fact that I met a friendly security officer. He answered my questions clearly and ensured me that there would be signs inside so even if I got confused, I could always find my way. I met my “boss” and she explained the job descriptions in detail. It’s quite simple; basically, I will help her thesis by collecting data from the selected sample group. The tricky part is finding the right moment to do a quick interview but I believe it’s not something that I can’t work through. Just need to grasp the overall workflow and familiarize myself with the new environment. To be honest, there is one part that excites me the most. I felt super giddy when I received my temporary ID Card on Monday. After being away from hospital for so long, being called doctor threw me off a bit -in a good way of course- especially now when I am officially a doctor, no longer a medical student who was doing clinical rotation. It might be silly for some of you but this one little thing had made me very happy for the last few days. On this project, I will be working alongside four other fresh graduate doctors. Overall, it has been very interesting. I hope things will continue in a positive vibe so my boss can finish her thesis in time. Good luck doc!
Then, diet update. One, induction is not easy, especially the second time around. Two, I am sure I can never be a vegan or vegetarian. Pescatarian maybe, but I won’t even bother trying out for a truly no-meat diet. Why?Because I craved eggs and meat too much during those three days. Yup people, you didn’t read it wrong. I only had to do induction for three days, three long painful and excruciating days to be exact. Hehehehe. However, I managed to hold on and started phase one. On phase one, I could consume meat as long as it’s not processed. For a week, my dietary plan consists of tons of veggies, meat and EGGS! As for fruits, it’s limited to avocado, strawberry, cranberries and blueberries. Although I would love to be able to consume watermelon and papaya, this restriction didn’t bother me much. Earlier today, I went to my nutritionist to do another examination. I am happy to report I lost 2,4 kg in 10 days. During those days, I did not starve myself. I ate based on the agreed menu and exercised regularly. I did mostly cardio for approximately 25-30 minutes every day. I could have done more but that would put my ankles, Achilles and knee on higher injury risk so I chose to be careful and caring to my body. They have kept up with my crazy daily routine for twenty-four years. The least I can do is to love and take care of it. Ooh, I plan to swim every once in a while to spice things up. As you know, your girl gets bored quite easily if things are done in a repeated cycle. Plus, who hates swimming? It’s the only exercise that you get to do without feeling hot . . . or maybe that’s just me. #peace
As for miscellaneous things, I have been loving Sam Smith’s and MAMAMOO’s new albums. Sam Smith finally released his latest work on the last day of October. As predicted, I loved track number 7, 8,9 and 10 so much. I always started listening from For the Lover that I Lost. Then I continued to Breaking Hearts, Forgive myself and Kids Again. So serious is quite a unique one. When I first heard the song, I didn’t like it. But after a while, it grew on me. If you really listen to the lyrics, you realize the dark joke and slight sarcasm; in a way whenever he felt happy or thought he was in a comfort zone something bad would happen and threw him back to the start. During his interview with Apple Music, he said this album was quite special as he became more authentic and adventurous with his music. I guessed it showed especially on the first few tracks. It might surprise you but stay calm. He delivers nothing less than perfection as always. Sam Smith doesn’t disappoint. As for MAMAMOO, God damn my queens didn’t come to play. They came to conquer! The title track entitled “AYA”somehow reminded me of their previous song “Egoistic” but in a better and upgraded way. Known to always come up with such vibrant, different and bold concept, this album is no exception. I always admire the fact that they manage to present diversity in the right amount. It challenges you but at the same time still leave some breathing room for you to grow fond of it. If you’re a music lover you’ll probably know what I mean. What else to say? Oow oow. I started watching Designated Survivor on Netflix. Till now I am still left undecided but if you’re looking for a short political series/drama, I think it’s worth the shot. It’s only three season and having Aaron Shodes to see won’t hurt your eyes for sure. I also began reading “Becoming” by Michelle Obama. Two chapters in, I must say I am not impressed yet but who knows. Maybe I just need to give it another chance. I guess that’s all for the life update. Now let’s talk a bit more about self-love since it goes along with the vibe on this blog.
The main topic I want to discuss about is inspired from a post by @wearefeelgoodclub. On one their recent post, they tried to remind their followers on six things regarding self-love and dating in lockdown. As you all know, loneliness does questionable tricks to the mind. The longer we detach ourselves from people and outside world, the more it creeps in. It happens and it is normal. Like what I said in my previous blogs, it’s better to “strive and feel” rather than debunking it to a Pandora box. I feel that by experiencing, you allow and sort of “push” yourself to grow in ways that you never thought before. So, without further due, let’s begin with point one.
1. A relationship won’t heal you, prioritize you and find yourself first, everything else comes second
Getting your heart broken sucks. I’m with you. I agree. The worst part is that the more you have it, the more you become cynical of trying again. Trying here means building a committed serious relationship based on trust, understanding, empathy and the willingness to work things through when it gets hard and/or boring. I definitely can’t speak for everyone but I know it happens to me. After the many failed trials, there were times when I viewed relationship as something casual, something that will not last as monogamy is now almost an impossible goal to achieve. Too much distractions, too much temptations and technology make it easier to do the wrong things. But like it or not, I have to admit that I will get my own heart broken, in fact more than once. It’s going to be ridiculously hard to get over it but as the time goes, I know for sure I will get through it and how I deal with myself during the healing time will shape my perspective on the upcoming relationships. Finding rebound is not entirely a bad thing in my opinion, but it’s not the best solution that you should take, no matter how great it seems at that point. When your senses get back to normal, nine out of ten times, you won’t feel great about it. Instead, you will feel guilty to start kin out of anger and desperation of running away from a scary and hurtful part of your life. You make worse decisions that end up as a messy complicated thing that’s hard to solve. Based on a personal experience, I do not recommend doing so. It hurts not only the other party, but it also leads you to yet another self-destruction road. So, be the bigger person for yourself. Hug, pat and encourage yourself to embrace the changes that are happening and learn from it. Talking is easy, always but as the famous saying goes, what’s worth won’t come easy and what comes easy usually don’t last. How you appreciate yourself should not depend on how people see or value you, it should come from within.
2. By prioritizing self-care, you create more meaningful, deeper and healthier connections. Self-care isn’t selfish and by putting yourself first you can get the best of your relationships
This point might come up as being selfish but hell, who are not selfish in this world? Okay, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King are probably the small exception on this, or maybe they have been selfish in other part of lives that we weren’t aware of. But the point is, taking care of yourself shouldn’t be associated with being egocentric. And maybe along the way, not everybody is going to like that version of you. They might prefer the “older” version of you and etc but remember, everybody changes. Don’t be tempted to change yourself back into a version they “love” just for the sake of pleasing them. At the end of the day, your life will be determined with the quality of relationships you have; and to be honest, the one that affects it most is the relationship you have with yourself. So, if you are clueless on how to accept yourself as it is, you will never truly be happy. No money, friends, followers or holidays will ever satisfy you. The emptiness will always be there as the issue is never being dealt with and to live with such feeling . . . is definitely not something you pursue right?
3. Low self-esteem and negative self-talk can make you believe that you don’t deserve to beloved. I’m telling you that you do
First of all, this applies to everyone; no matter how great and confident one is, trust me, they probably had experienced facing their own thought demons. I guess it’s very hard to deal with this problem if you’re someone who has low self-esteem, an overthinker and/or grow up in a non-privileged environment when you have to be cautious 24/7 or else lose things really quick. On top of everything, our mind somehow tends to create negative scenarios more for survival reasons -it has been proven scientifically-. So, if you’re facing this problem now, know that it is totally okay. There’s nothing weird with you. It’s just a part of the cycle you need to go through.
The how, when and what will differ in each individual. For me, my top insecurities will be body image and relationship. Again, I never actually fit to what society view as pretty woman. I was always on the heavier side of scale and that often disturbs my positivity mindset from time to time, especially during tough and trying moments. As for relationship, I always felt like my physical appearance was the big reason on why guys were not interested in having romantic flings with me. Back in high school, I almost unconsciously let people steam-rolled over me because of it. Now that I understand life a bit better, I learn how to stand up for myself, either from outsiders’ judgment or my own harsh critics. I believe that we will become the things we tell ourselves we are or have potential to be which is why it’s crucial to make sure those things we say are mostly positive. The way we treat and talk to ourselves unconsciously set the standard for how we allow others to treat us. I am not saying that we should only respond to positive and self-validating comments. We still need to evaluate ourselves, but let it be out of love and not hate. The world is already full of it and you don’t have to add yourself to the long list. In fact, let’s be the knight for our fragile soul and grow with it.
4. Learn from last time; don’t put too much pressure on yourself to jump into long-term relationship. If it doesn’t feel right now, that’s okay
5. By working on yourself, your goals and your mindset, you’ll naturally be drawn to like-minded people. Two happy and secure individuals make for a happy and secure relationship
6. By looking after yourself, you create a much more positive relationship with yourself which in turn means you can have more positive relationships with those around you
I think I don’t have to add anything to those points. It’s crystal clear and it delivers the message to its reader. Being genuinely happy is contagious so make sure you are content with where you are and what you have become, make peace with your hanging questions, write a proper closure to any lingering past before stepping in to a new, better and welcoming chapter of your life.
That’s all for now. I hope this post can inspire you to be more empathetic towards your own body, mind and soul. Healing and finding “zen” in our chaotic and always busy mind are never easy which is why it’s important to start now instead of postponing for later. I hope you all are still sane, healthy and fine. Please wear your mask properly, wash your hands, keep your distances and hopefully, better days will arrive. Until then, stay safe! I’ll greet you soon with another post.
Love, always and forever
Genoveva Verena Adella 🥀
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