Being Human

Hi everybody. Good evening, Adel's here.

It's been almost a month since my last post.

Hoping everybody is doing great and here I go, updating you all about my life

First, December is finally here. It's already the fifth day of the jolly month. Either you celebrate Christmas or not, it has become a secular celebration, enjoyed by children the most. Honestly speaking, this is my favourite celebration all year long. It's nice to see people going back to their home, enjoying time together and eat delicious food with their loved ones. Always warming to the heart. Sadly, this year I won't be able to do that because of my last clinical rotation. Still very grateful that I don't have to spend Christmas at the hospital but yea.. it's just different.

Second, yes. You did not read it wrong. This woman had finally (almost) finished her clinical rotation. If God allows, 14th January 2020 will be the first step to FREEDOM from this hellish daily routines. Although that means more exams to come but at least, time is not owned by the devilish "state" called clinical clerkship. Afterwards, it's graduation time again (PS: this time I'll get better pose and sharper jaw line. Hopefully :") ) then internship. After listing it out, I still have a very long journey to go through. God bless. Alleluya!

Third and lastly, I know you guys aren't asking. But this blog is all about sharing. Remember the guy I told you guys about, well there's nothing much about it now. However during this time, I have learned something new. For the very first time, I actually stop tolerating his "questionable" actions. I felt I started to have a grip of my emotion better than before. I no longer look for reasons to justify his "cruel" act. I no longer gave in to my feelings easily, compared to those times before this. Given that statement, I still (like) the guy but I guess, he's just in need of a friend and since I am always like a door mat (24/7 available :") ) I am just comfortable, a pillow to rest when bad days happened. And even if he has any kind of feeling for me, he is not in a state to process and figure out the "next step". After spending almost 7 years being trapped in a feeling, in an imaginary world I pictured I could have with him, finally now I am starting to let go, realistically. God has always been so kind and forgiving to all of my wrong doing(s) so I believe he is here not as a "karma" from my last bad decision, but more of a chance to have proper closure and move on. For now, he is a supportive friend that is caring. A person that holds a special place in my heart :) 

If only actions are as easy to be done as typing this out, I would no longer feel like standing in limbo. But mom said to take it day by day. To accept feelings, to feel, to grow together with it and so that's what I'm going to do.

And in case you're reading,

"Let's do that dinner. When time allows, when fate is being nice and if God approves. I would love that."